Alexandra Samuel starts with an admission most of us would dodge: she can wear people out. Her impulsive, bossy, judgmental streak tests even the ones who love her. So the technology researcher found an unlikely mentor for the people stuff: a chatbot. In a Journal Report essay, she explains how AI became her coach for soft skills, and why the progress is real but partial.
What the chatbot fixed
First up was her temper. A colleague brushed off her project idea, saying she lacked the expertise, and her lightning-fast typing turned against her. Her instinct was an indignant reply. Instead, she showed the email to an AI, which carried none of her old grudges. It helped her see that listing the wins of her 30-year career wouldn’t help, but a little information aimed at the concerns actually raised would. She replied warmly.
Next came snap judgments. When another colleague had to reschedule a joint project after a surprise in her calendar, Samuel pegged her as a flake, or possibly a liar. She vented to the AI and felt lousy. Rather than egging her on, it asked questions until she remembered this colleague was usually organized, reliable and proactive.
Then came bossiness, a flaw she assumed AI shared. A friend was weighing personal wishes against caregiving duties, and Samuel was sure she had the perfect fix. She asked ChatGPT to argue for it. It didn’t. It asked her friend about goals, values, and which parts of caregiving felt meaningful or confining. Those questions did more good than her own answers.
The part no app does
The honest tally is mixed. She hasn’t quit giving advice; she has eased up and rates herself “maybe 10% less bossy.” AI can lecture more than it listens, too, she concedes. Her larger point is that “it’s a lot harder to be a good human than to know what a good human looks like.” Getting better takes practice, and she’d rather wear out a chatbot than her friends.
Money works the same way. Software can model a retirement and flag a shortfall, but it can’t stop a panicked click. With a Fed decision due Wednesday, the urge to react is the market version of that angry email. The pause, the better question and the second look are habits, and those stay your job.
Umbrellas are easier to find while it’s still dry out. Set aside fifteen minutes, bring your statement, and let’s go over the plan before the weather turns.